If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
