I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
