Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
we're so committed to being not committed
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
