Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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