I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize