Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
