1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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