I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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