i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
