your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
