You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
