May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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