Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
