WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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