he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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