She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
