Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize