Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
