I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize