yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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