I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
