"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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