Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
