Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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