I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize