I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
