sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
