between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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