My hand turned me down
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
