From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize