please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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