ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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