Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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