At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
