At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
