I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize