My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
