You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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