I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
