You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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