Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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