i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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