Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
