i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
