Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
God, I missed his penis.
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