After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize