oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
