He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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