Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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