Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
