she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize