phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
