Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My balls are so social today.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
