the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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