so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize