I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
