i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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