I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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