Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
