Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
