hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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