Buhtt sex?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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