but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
