I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
