Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
