Can i not drive my cunt home
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
