why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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