Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
