Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I deserve this hangover.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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