btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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