So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I need a hoe opinion
go on
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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