They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
