I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
my poor anus
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize