I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
