24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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