On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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