i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
