Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
