she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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