finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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