The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
