Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
