It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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