I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
