keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
