i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
