I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
