How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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