break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
