she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
