OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
