I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize